490
by Achilles' Foot
Summary: A long time ago, in a country sorta far away...A catastrophe struck...Please do not bring any food or drinks inside the theater it'll get the carpets all messed up...


**xxxxx  
xxxxx**

**-----**

**Achilles: Well, I'm off with this story friends - and hoping you enjoy it. But I'm sure you'll like it, after all. I wrote it!**

**Azreal: Ha! Now you're beginning to sound like your sister Spi-**

**Achilles: Wha? HEY! Shut up! I'm NOTHING like Spike! coughs Anyway there IS something you all should know before reading this-**

**Azreal: Is it per-chance that clears throat**

**"Achilles does not own Inuyasha."?**

**Achilles: Ya, that too. But I'll deliver my little message to you in a simple quote of someone-**

**Azreal: Because your not smart enough to think up any way to put it yourself.**

**Achilles: glares What did you say, worm?**

**Azreal: Nothing, you're just hearing things...**

**Achilles: raises eyebrow Anyway-**

**"_Do not make assumptions. For assumptions, like bombs and strawberry shortcake, are very dangerous to make._"**

**_-Lemony Snicket_**

**Azreal: Achilles does not own Lemony Snicket either. Though wouldn't that be cool?**

**xxxxx**

**xxxxx**

**-----**

**

* * *

**

kELLY WAS THE PERFECT CHILD. sHE WAS SIXTEEN AND LIVED WITH HER RICH PARENTS IN jAPAN. sHE HAD LIGHT BLONDE HAIR, AND DAZZLING BLUE EYES. eVERY BOY AT HER SCHOOL HAD A CRUSH ON HER AND SHE WAS THE MOST POPULAR GIRL THERE! oNE DAY, SHE WAS TRANSPORTED TO THE FEUDAL ERA WHERE SHE WAS VERY FRIGHTENED. sHE SOON CAME ACROSS A WOUNDED SILVER-HAIRED MAN WHOM WAS VERY HANDSOME. sHE THEN HEALED HIM AND NURSED HIS WOUNDS. hIS NAME WAS sESSHOMARU. wHEN HE WOKE UP AND SAW HER BEAUTY HE WAS DUMB STRUCK. tHE TWO SOON FELL IN LOVE.

bUT WHO GIVES A DAMN ABOUT kELLY? sCREW kELLY! tHIS ISN'T kELLY'S STORY, SHE DOESN'T EVEN BELONG HERE! aND FURTHER MORE- wHAT tHE hECK! wHAT IS WITH ALL THE CAPITAL LETTERS- aH DARN. i'VE GOT THE caps lock KEY ON! eR, SORRY ABOUT THIS FOLKS. aLRIGHT i'LL FIX IT - HOLD ON A MINUTE...

There we go! All better! Now where was I, oh yes! Kelly's PERFECT WORLD belongs in an alternate dimension of fan-fiction that is far, far away from here. If you'd like to read that instead, go strait and take a left into the dreaded MARY-SUE territory. But I suggest you stay put because currently I have cleverly placed bombs in and out of the walls of this theater and I'll blow you all to smitherines(sp?) if you dare make one move toward that door!

Now then, shall we begin. Again, I shall stress that this story is not about Kelly, I'm sorry for that little mix-up there but there is really nothing I can do when my idiot employees picked up the wrong damn package at the post office. But we have the right fic now so, no worries.

I'd suppose the best way to start this story is to start from the beginning, eh? That makes sense doesn't it? To start something you should start from the start of the thing that you're starting right?

Nevermind...

So, lets go back in time a bit shall we? Normally this process of time travel would be hard, but with my, all-awesome, all-powerful, powerfullness(A/N: And with the keyboard), I will easily take us back over three hundred years ago(A/N: From where our story will take place that is). Now that the portal is ready, you see, that swirly purple-ish swirly warped thing in the middle of the theater I shall now remind you, the audience, to turn off all cell-phones, beepers, laptops, screaming children, bombs, new and improved electronic torture devices(A/N aka: Karoke machines) and any other things that may make alarming noises during our presentation. Any disregard of these requirements will result in the blowing up of your body and the two people closest to you. Oh yes, one thing you must definitely remember on this trip is to absolutely, never, EVER-

DING!

Oh look at the time, it seems the portal is ready. Well, everybody, I should warn you, this will be a rough ride. When the portal entirely engulfs this theater there will be a sudden dropping sensation and a cold feeling in the pit of your stomach, chest, and your throat. Many people who can't hold onto their seats may very well ricochet back and forth between the walls, so duck to avoid any flying bodies. I don't have much of a budget, therefore this theater has no seat belts. I can offer you some advice though, pray.

VVVVVVVHOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPP!

(Vhoomp: The strange vhoomp-ish noise made by the Vhoomp inc. time portal when going backward and forward in time.)

* * *

"This is an underhanded tactic that you've made, General Lysippe!" Screamed the enraged Odyne; proclaimed 'Grand Torturer' of Limbo. Her face, seemed rather red and flushed from yelling so much at the strawberry blonde before her, who didn't really seem to be paying much attention. Aside from that, Odyne had entered the tent that General Lysippe, General Eris, and Admiral Deucalion had been discussing a topic of rather importance to them over tea; to be more accurate on this matter, it was about how they could con Lucifer into participating in a certain activity involving singing badly, they had decided on getting him drunk but once the ferocious blonde Odyne had stormed into the tent panting heavily everything they had planned was forgotten.

Either way, the woman went on yelling. Neither Lysippe, nor Eris, nor Deucalion was much paying attention to her endless blabber- though, it was rather annoying. Her golden curls had fallen, her bun was messed up, her uniform was covered in dirt, her make-up was slightly smeared. Obvious was it that she had gotten through some trouble to get to their little tea-party so fast but still, that was her fault, not theirs. "This is an outrage!" She continued. "You can't use children under the age of fifteen in the Air Squadron of Hades' Army, it's against The Styx Charter!"

"Actually," Cut in Deucalion, just in time to wake the other two up. "Nowhere in the Styx Charter, nor the Lethe, Acheron, Cocytus, and Phlegethon Charters does it say that a child under the age of fifteen can't be in the the Air Squadron, Water Squadron, or Land Squadron of the Hades' Military. That rule, is unwritten; it's not in black and white anywhere to be found in Hell, it's simply...protocol." He sighed with and inward, undetected smirk behind his frown. He knew well that Odyne was probably taken aback by his interruption and the tone of his easily read annoyance in his icy cold voice.

Admiral Deucalion, leader of the Water Squadron, had joined the Hades' Military seventy-six years ago for lack of anything else to do with his life. After his wife, Limnatides(who was a Naiades), had died of illness, he had gone into a state of depression in an insane sort of form. He joined the military, simply to escape that insanity. It worked. But more or less, Deucalion stood at about six feet, give or take a few. His body was seemed slim, but well-built none-the-less. His skin was was the color of a light tan and his eyes were a forest green while his hair was black. He seemed to look about twenty-two. As far as any of his soldiers knew, he was a true Hell demon born in the City of Dis, son of a Gorgon whore.

Lysippe smiled broadly at Deucalion's little interference, and decided happily to add her own. "Besides," She began, Lethein accent being pretty heavy and distinct in her voice. "Those kids are some of the best fighters I have out of my troops! Also, I've got about six out of every ten of 'em, most have nowhere else to go, no home, no nothing. If you take 'em all out there'll be quite an outburst from them all..." She nodded in agreement to her own statement.

General Lysippe, leader of the Air Squadron, had a story for joining the Hades' military that differed greatly from Admiral Deucalion's. Her father before her had been a great war hero...she simply seemed to want to prove herself by following in her footsteps. Successfully, she had already mastered the riding of the Harpies, The Stymphalian Birds, and the Ice, Thunder, and Earth Dragons, along with a few other winged creatures. Lysippe had wavy strawberry blonde hair which fell down to about her mid-back, she had tan skin and red eyes. She seemed a little less than six feet tall. She was born on the shores of the River Lethe by a Siren, Aglaope.

Odyne was silent, rather too stunned to talk for a few moments. Once she alas gained her voice, still in embarrassment from being told off, she decided to continue to press the matter - much to the dismay of the three-man-council. "General Eris," She pleaded. "What do you think?"

"Wha?" Eris looked up, rather dumb struck. "I'm sorry." She apologized. "I wasn't...erm- I wasn't quite listening, what was it you three were debating?"

Eris, was probably the oddest one of the group. She looked rather normal however, dark chestnut hair reaching down a little past her shoulders, silvery grey eyes, light tan skin, slightly pointed canines, a short height, that was all in order. The more important attributes of her oddness was probably that, for one, her name wasn't really Eris, it was Sariel. She was the daughter Nephilims, and therefore a Fallen Angel. One of the renegades, if you will. She is also, our screwed-in-the-head main character of this screwed-up story, but we'll get to that later. Anyway, she served the Land Squadron as it's leader, simply to get chances to see Heaven, as she was otherwise forbidden to go there. Even so, she was a pretty laid-back girl.

"Lady Odyne was saying that it ain't right to be using children in our troops." Replied Lysippe to her friend, smiling sweetly.

"Right..." Mused Eris, seriously pondering the subject for a minute before replying. "Madame," She begin. "It's true that children don't have near as much experience as they would if we trained them longer, but they have much more able bodies and have above all the most fighting spirit. Aside from that, the Military is running very low on soilders, the morale of the Underworld is very lacking...perhaps if we had more men, we could afford to loose the children but the fact remains," She said standing up and brushing herself off. "We can't."

Odyne seemed like she was about to open her mouth to say something again, but shut it quickly seeing that there was no chance of winning this argument. Hesitantly, she walked out of the tent.

There was an awkward silence.

Deucalion stood up. "I have to go...check up on my men..." He said gruffly, and without another word quietly left.

"See ya later!" Called Lysippe happily after him. He didn't seem to acknowledge her farewell, much to the young woman's dismay. She frowned and pouted at her crush's disinterest in her but as quickly as it came the frown was replaced with a smile. "Say, Eris..." She said. "Will you do me a favor, please?"

"Hm?" Grunted Eris, attention suddenly drawn. Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What kind of favor?" She inquired skeptically.

"Well, you see," Started the Air General, she seemed rather nervous and flushed. "There have been...I've noticed some strange activities in Midgard, and although I've been meaning to get around to it I just...well, haven't. So, I wanted you to go down to Midgard on a-"

"On a reconnaissance mission." Clarified Eris for the girl.

"Exactly." Lysippe nodded. With this Eris gave her a very annoyed look, she pouted and added on a "Pleeeeaase? I know you have nothing to do!"

Eris sighed heavily, rubbing her temple in frustration. "Fine." She grumbled half-heartedly. She felt like strangling the girl. But she held it back, as she always did. Lysippe squealed with happiness inwardly and skipped away.

"Dammit!" Cursed Eris under her breath, her silvery eyes looked up toward the turmoiled sky as she made her way out of the tent. She chuckled lightly trying hard to throw off her anger. "This," She sighed again. "This was supposed to be my day off..."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Eris kicked the dirt with her boot and watched lazily as a cloud of dust floated up and dispersed. Alone on Midgard. Perfect. It didn't matter. She highly doubted she would find anything of interest here as it seemed the only thing the Lysippe had detected was a bunch of warring Midgardians. Nothing more. Twice now Eris had discovered fields littered with the bodies of people; that was when she was in flight though, covering half the landmass she was on in less that four hours. But as her wings had tired she had gone on foot instead, quite content not having to pretend she was a large bird in the sky for the primitive human species.

Bored and not much fancying the idea of going back to the River Lethe because she knew well she had a meeting with Lord Lucifer in about one hour, Eris sat down on a boulder and used a black ribbon to bind her hair up(A/N: For lack of anything else to do, plus it was getting in her face, something she found very annoying).

She must have been sitting there, daydreaming, thinking, for about fifty minutes, loosing track of time entirely. She might have been sitting there two hours if it hadn't happened. And really, now, she wished it hadn't. An incident as stupid as her loosing her awareness, and a Midgard demon spotting her and mistaking her for a human; well, it would bring her sure grief in the far future. For even as the demon crept up behind her she was still too lost to notice, the brief word that she would describe her state in about four-hundred years from now would be, simply put, idiot. And it got worse, for once the mutated lizard held it's blunt weapon up to the sky, ready to strike, that was the first moment she sensed it, noticed him, and when he brought it down to strike, oh, if only she had died there she would be SO happy, SO blessed, and I would be SO out of business. But she didn't die there. A certain sword intercepted. It was a very familiar blade to you Inuyasha fans commonly known as 'Tetsusaiga'. However, anybody who put 2 and 2 together know that the dear man holding the Tetsusaiga could not be our beloved half-demon, but instead, our beloved half-demon's father, no?

One two, One two! And through and through! The vorpal blade went 'snicker-snack'. Well... actually, the large blade went 'swoosh-slash', got splattered with red and the Midgardian demon was dead in a second. It didn't take that long.

So anyway, there he stood. Towering over in all tallness compared to Eris. He was silent. Eris blinked, rather nonchalant for her current situation. She stood up, she was far too calm. She looked down at the demon as at last it dawned on her and her lips twisted into a frown. She sighed, half-laughing.

"You- You..." She looked down at the demon again, shaking her head solomly. "You shouldn't have done that friend..."

He looked up at her, only a small hint of emotion showing, not seen very well. But then a small smile appeared on him and he seemed to snicker a bit. "Yeah, sure..." He agreed. "And what would become of you, you'd be a bloody damn mess on the grounds of my lands."

Eris shot a glance back up to the youkai. He seemed to be all-in-all going for an intimidating look with the spiky armor and three swords gig. "Yeah, but..." She paused for a moment. "The Book of Enoch states that I have a certain debt to repay now." She said eyeing him wearily. "And although my parents were Nephilims, all creatures descended from paradise are doomed to follow all the rules in the Book of Enoch or cease to exist and-" She stopped mid-way in her speech staring at the ground wide-eyed. In Hades there was no sun, but Eris knew well how to tell time by it. And staring at her shadow on ground she inwardly cursed. She had a meeting with the over-lord Lucifer...and it dawned on her. She would be late!

"Shit!" She swore and rummaged for her necklace, when she pulled it up there was a small silver key on it. She tore the chain off her neck. "I'm gonna be late, I'm gonna be late..." She chanted over and over, in quite the rush. She threw the chain and key forward where it seemed to hit air and bounce back as a dark, swirling, vortex seemed to form. Eris caught the chain and key, and stuffed it back in her pocket. She turned to the silver-haired youkai.

"I need to leave." She said simply, and then, obviously, turned to leave.

"Hey! Wait a minute!" Ordered the youkai and grabbed her arm. "What about the Enoch, debt repaying thing, don't you need to do that?"

"Crap, you're right, I forgot..." She sighed pausing in deep frustration, before looking up again. "What's your name?" She asked.

"What? Oh..." He looked skeptically at her before replying. "Inutaisho..." Quickly, she pulled out a strange writing tool and scribbled the name down a piece of parchment and stuffed it in her pocket.

"Great..." She said while she was doing this. "I'm Sariel, they call me Eris. Whenever I get the time I remember to repay that debt to you, deal? Just don't die alright?" She nodded to herself not waiting for his answer, and stepped through her portal. The Dog Lord watched as it dispersed.

Of course, it's not like our dear Eris could have known what would happen due to that simple incident and her annoying lack of time. But in the far future, once she found out about what would happen because of it. She would think of two words. It would be the same two words that she thought of often. The same two words that often got her through life. The same two words that Inu no Taisho's son would think of when he met Eris. The same two words that Hitler would think of at the end of his war. And the same two words that Kurt Cobain would think of not two weeks before his death, but two weeks after he married the cause of his death, aka, Courtney Love(A/N: I'm convinced SHE is the reason for HIS suicide). And these, simple two words were:

Karma sucks.

**xxxxx**

**xxxxx**

**-----**

**Achilles: Now it is time for my wonderful vocabulary section! All those weird underworld terms will be cleared up here. And dear Azreal will do it for you.**

**Azreal: I will?**

**Achilles: Of course you will! Now get to it!**

**Azreal: pouts Fine, fine... Alright then...**

**Limbo - The first level of Hell after Purgatory**

**Lucifer - The Devil**

**Air Squadron - Similar to the Air Force**

**Hades Military - The Armies of Hades, Hell, or the Underworld**

**Styx - Styx (river of Hate) is the river of hate. The river Styx surrounded the underworld with nine loops.**

**Lethe - Lethe (Forgetfulness) is the river of forgetfulness. The dead drank from the waters to forget there past lives. Some think that the Lethe flowed to the edge of the Elysian fields or to the edge of Tartarus, both were two great regions of the underworld.**

**Acheron - The Acheron (Distress) is the river of Woe.**

**Cocytus - Cocytus (Wailing) is the river of wailing. This river was haunted by the unburied dead, who stay there for 100 years. Cocytus is also the ninth, and last level of Hell.**

**Phelegethon - Phlegethon (Fire) is the river of fire, which is a stream of lava rolling in its overflow of clashing rocks, also builds a large lake boiling with water and mud. Phlegethon comes to the edge of the Acherusian lake, but does not mingle with its water, which coming close to the Acherusian Lake, passes round in a circle and falls back into Tartarus under the name of Cocytus.**

**Water Squadron - Similar to the Navy**

**Land Squadron - Similar to the Army**

**Naiades - Beautiful water nymphs.**

**Gorgon - and ugly, mutated woman, descendant of Medusa**

**Lethein Accent - Similar to a US southern accent**

**Harpies - Winged monsters with the face of an ugly old woman and equipped with crooked, sharp talons.**

**Stymphalian Birds - Man-Eating Birds**

**Midgard - The Realm between Heaven and Hell; Earth.**

**Achilles: Very good Azreal!**

**Azreal: grumbles**

**Achilles: Oh ya, almost forgot! I apologize on the OOC-Ness of Inutaisho, I had never seen him before therefore didn't know his personality and therefore just mixed Inuyasha's and Sesshomaru's personalities togeth**er.


End file.
